"A Ratio of positive emotions above 3 to 1 serves as a tipping point….which
will help determine your odds of languishing or flourishing.”
Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, author of "Positivity"
How can you change your predictable patterns? If you wake up late, discover unexpected demands on your already overcrowded schedule,you might give yourself a tongue lashing: “if only I had gotten up on time, if I just hadn’t stayed up so late last night…"
Thoughts like these follow a pattern, and you can expect them to reappear when the pressure gets tight. Even if you feel well-prepared and things are going along smoothly, you might find yourself backsliding into negativity again if things don't turn out the way you hope: “I could have, should have done that differently.“ You go around in your head, replaying the event, the negativity rising against your best efforts to 'get it right.' Maybe you accumulate unexpressed grief, anger, or self-doubts until you feel the effects as tightness, tension, irritibility, anxiety or depression. Today we know it doesn't stop there - it seeps undercover, infecting our cells, muscles, joints, bones and organs, all from unconscious negative choices.
So maybe you go to the gym and release stress by working out. Maybe you eat chocolate, pull your car over impulsively at the sight of an ice cream shop. Maybe you self-medicate on prescription or street drugs, alcohol, or television and the internet.
There are many ways you can release negativity and tension – some of them - like nature walks, gratitude expression, animal therapy, journaling, meditation, yoga, spiritual and depth practices, are even highly beneficial to your body, mind and spirit.
But for the solution – for the Cure –you need to change the pattern, the predictable reaction you have to life's stressors. Life will go on, and you can't control everything. Even when you implement the cure, you will meet and greet new opportunities to learn and grow. Instead of challenges pushing you further into negative programming, you will instead be astonished at how relaxed and grateful for life you will feel, even if everything doesn't go the way you expected. It’s a set point, or a base line you return to that feels natural and right. It’s not something brand-new; in fact, it’s so organic to find peace of mind in the midst of chaos and uncertainty that you will recognize it as a true and rightful place. It’s like a homecoming.
Catch yourself thinking. Notice when you have a negative thought as a conditioned reaction to something, i.e. waking up too late, arriving late at work, encountering an argumentative person.
Now turn those thoughts around and find something else to focus on that is positive. Or take the argumentative encounter and reframe it – “I don’t have to take this personally, that person has his/her own problems. I can choose a new response; I now decide to focus on the beauty in this day, think of my child’s face when he sleeps, remember how Joe and laughed so hard last night our eyes brimmed with tears of mirth."
You will find with practice that the thoughts you think are a choice, even if they occur so rapidly they flit away before you can catch them. Remember, your goal is three times more positive than negative ones, so you're ahead just by making the effort. Walk away, if possible, change your opinion about what upsets you, make new choices, so you change the pattern permanently.
Doing this favor for yourself does more than just make you feel better; it actually changes the trajectory of your life. The benefits stick with you, even after the positivity has passed. It does some sort of alchemy on your life experience. It's as if you push a button on the law of attraction and gears begin to turn, stirring up possibility, filling you with optimism, enthusiasm and hope.
Flourishing, it turns out, is a science. Take the steps to the 3 to 1 Ratio. It’s well worth your effort.
Thoughts like these follow a pattern, and you can expect them to reappear when the pressure gets tight. Even if you feel well-prepared and things are going along smoothly, you might find yourself backsliding into negativity again if things don't turn out the way you hope: “I could have, should have done that differently.“ You go around in your head, replaying the event, the negativity rising against your best efforts to 'get it right.' Maybe you accumulate unexpressed grief, anger, or self-doubts until you feel the effects as tightness, tension, irritibility, anxiety or depression. Today we know it doesn't stop there - it seeps undercover, infecting our cells, muscles, joints, bones and organs, all from unconscious negative choices.
So maybe you go to the gym and release stress by working out. Maybe you eat chocolate, pull your car over impulsively at the sight of an ice cream shop. Maybe you self-medicate on prescription or street drugs, alcohol, or television and the internet.
There are many ways you can release negativity and tension – some of them - like nature walks, gratitude expression, animal therapy, journaling, meditation, yoga, spiritual and depth practices, are even highly beneficial to your body, mind and spirit.
But for the solution – for the Cure –you need to change the pattern, the predictable reaction you have to life's stressors. Life will go on, and you can't control everything. Even when you implement the cure, you will meet and greet new opportunities to learn and grow. Instead of challenges pushing you further into negative programming, you will instead be astonished at how relaxed and grateful for life you will feel, even if everything doesn't go the way you expected. It’s a set point, or a base line you return to that feels natural and right. It’s not something brand-new; in fact, it’s so organic to find peace of mind in the midst of chaos and uncertainty that you will recognize it as a true and rightful place. It’s like a homecoming.
Catch yourself thinking. Notice when you have a negative thought as a conditioned reaction to something, i.e. waking up too late, arriving late at work, encountering an argumentative person.
Now turn those thoughts around and find something else to focus on that is positive. Or take the argumentative encounter and reframe it – “I don’t have to take this personally, that person has his/her own problems. I can choose a new response; I now decide to focus on the beauty in this day, think of my child’s face when he sleeps, remember how Joe and laughed so hard last night our eyes brimmed with tears of mirth."
You will find with practice that the thoughts you think are a choice, even if they occur so rapidly they flit away before you can catch them. Remember, your goal is three times more positive than negative ones, so you're ahead just by making the effort. Walk away, if possible, change your opinion about what upsets you, make new choices, so you change the pattern permanently.
Doing this favor for yourself does more than just make you feel better; it actually changes the trajectory of your life. The benefits stick with you, even after the positivity has passed. It does some sort of alchemy on your life experience. It's as if you push a button on the law of attraction and gears begin to turn, stirring up possibility, filling you with optimism, enthusiasm and hope.
Flourishing, it turns out, is a science. Take the steps to the 3 to 1 Ratio. It’s well worth your effort.
